Most women have a rule about the "right time" to have sex with the person their dating. I'm not that big on those rules. To me its almost like saying, "Hun, we can only have sex on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Emotional freedom is most important. I know what some may be thinking, "what if he or she leaves afterwards?" Well I say this, if its good, then they will be wanting to meet your parents by breakfast time. So if that guy or girl up and left you after that first time, then it might not have been that good. I'm not saying that you should have sex on the first night because there is no point in waiting. I'm merely saying that "good good" will keep them coming back. Its alright to get to know people by all means but do not put a time limit on getting to know someone. I know there are popular books that state you should have all of these rules before you do this or do that and blah blah blah. The real deal is, its not that you have changed the rules once you are dating someone new, its the fact that you have changed the people you date all together. The next person you date and feel like you are physically ready to make that next step, make sure that that person is someone that you can look back and say "I'm alright with having sex with him/her". Every person that you have sex with may not be your husband/wife. That's sometimes the ebbs and flow of life. But, you also need to prepare yourself for those times that it does not work out. You need to be comfortable adding that person to your total number of sexual partners. In conclusion, there is no generic right time. Its only what you feel comfortable with. Just understand that no body can feel your comfort like you can.
11 comments:
What do you mean "emotional freedom"?
It means that sex should not be bound by time but emotion...that emotion does not always have to be love.
Well MG, you know I am the QUEEN of time limits. I used to have a four month rule, LOL. However,now that I don't abide by that rule anymore I still feel that I should know something about a man I am being intimate with; preferably something other than his name. There should also be an understanding between the two of us about what the nature of the relationship will be. If its just a booty call u can skip the introductions...
I can agree with that MG... time limits don't make sense to me. If you think you're ready, then there shouldn't be a problem.
Charisma, I agree that u should be comfortable with that person. That's what is gong to make the experience that much better
im vise versa on this. if you wait too long you become really good friends which you need in a relationship. however when you have sex evrything gets weird. the person even starts to look different. so i say get it over with and then work harder on friendship. on the otherhand some people are blinded by sex so bad that they had no intention of getting to know you but just acted that way to get a quick one. so idk i guess u have to know what you want and have to be experienced enough to see through someone elses bullsht games
I agree with some of what you said and I disagree with some of what you said. I don't think you should put time limits on things. I do think that this complicates things, but I do understand why some girls do put time limits on things. For some girls that are virgins and they say that they won't have sex until their married because of their religious beliefs or what not, then this is understandable. They may not want to fall into temptation. Sex isn't really what it used to be anymore. During the 1800's, yeah you could have a one night stand and there not be any consequences of it. However, now a days you could contract thousands of diseases. My hesitance wouldn't so much be lack of emotional freedom, but lack of knowledge of your STD status. Life isn't as glamourous as it's portrayed on Sex and the City. One night stands can leave you with something you just can't get rid of.
However, outside of that, let's say we're in a world where Herpes and AIDS doesn't exist. When ever your emotions are in place, then yeah I agree. You're right about being comfortable with the number of people you've been with. I do think that sometimes people take this moment of intimacy for granted. It's more to it than a cute guy or girl in the bar you wanna hook up with and move on. Or if you're away from your partner for a few months and you need your urge met, why not shack up with this stranger real quick. The fact of the matter is, although we are here to pro-create, we are blessed with brains and emotions all to make the experience of intimacy so much more worth it. I used to tell this girlfriend of mine once that sex was like a scratch off ticket. You don't know if it's gonna be good or not until afterwards. If it sucks, then...you've wasted something. I think once you're completely, utterly, emotionally involved from both parties then that should be your only time constraint. Otherwise you're just....having sex.
OD, its true you never really know what people have in store for you. Sex can always complicate a relationship if the two people are not mature sexually.
Southern Belle, I feel what you are saying religion does offer some type of waiting but even with that, you are not bound by time. there is not a time when one should have sex or get married. If its based on marriage then marriage should not be based on time but on emotion as well. Its that point in one's life where they feel that they want to spend the rest of their life with a particular person. I believe sex is about emotional readiness so I do feel what your saying.
I agree with what odonyo said. People may have a hidden agenda. I mean face it, a lot of people just look at sex as getting their rocks off these days. Not the emotional bonding experience it should be.
Sex is always an emotional boding experience. The emotion may not be love but its always and emotional bonding experience.
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