The Break Up! Part 3

A couple of hours has past now. My phone vibrates, a text message from you know who appears.

The last sentence read, "I hope that one day, you can really see that."
Right now I can't respond. I don't want to fall back into the same routine. I read it again. I’m starting to doubt my decisions. Maybe this time the light will go on...maybe this time she will fully commit. She just needs to know how much I love her. She needs to know that I can be that rock she can lean on through good and bad times. Wait, she has had two years to realize what we can be. Someone once said that the definition of stupid is to continue doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. I've pasted a few grades, made a few honor rolls, and shook the president of my university's hand as I walked across the stage. “Naw,” that’s not me. However, when dealing with emotion, love can make the smartest person look stupid. In the past I would have responded and we would have sent texts back and forward to each other until we reached the, I still love you phase. Then we start to have the conversation of “we should just start over” I never understand why people say that when a relationship has ended. All that means is another 3 months of the representation then after that, they fall back to being the same person. I guess I just don’t understand it but I don’t think many people will understand why I had to do what I did. I can’t concern myself with what other people think. I just have to do what’s best for me. And, what’s best for me is my happiness. I put the phone away and continue to watch the afternoon Sportscenter. I’m not going to respond this time. It's time for a new day.

The Break UP! Part 2

She looks back one last time as the door closes. I walk towards the door. My hand reaches up but I quickly put it back down by my side. I can still hear her crying. If this were a movie, I might go something like, me opening up the door and her leaping into my arms. Then we embrace in a passionate kiss and somehow both of our clothes fall off and we are back to loving each other again. But this is real life. In real life relationships are ended with one person emotionally unstable or both emotionally unstable. I finally hear the sound of a car door opening. A few minutes pass before I hear the car start. Usually when she left my house I would tell her to let me know that she made it home safe. Although, it would kill me if something happened to her, I must let her go. The sound of a car engine now fades away. My adrenaline is still pumping. I take a moment to let my body calm down. A moment of relief passes over me. "It's done!" I have played that scenario in my head a thousand times. It's never easy to tell people the truth about a life they think their living. It’s also never easy to let go of someone you love. Someone who at one point you thought you might spend the rest of your with. I clean up the broken mug and rearrange my coasters. Cleaning helps me workout my emotional stress. It allows me time to think back to when she could do no wrong. It's quickly countered by thoughts of when she would leave me dying inside from doing nothing. It’s been almost 30 minutes and I have not received a text message nor a phone call. It only takes her ten minutes to get from my house to her house. The right thing to do is to just send a text to see if she made it home safe. I begin to write the text. This phrase begins to pop up in my head. “DON’T DO IT!!!” As if it was lyrically articulated by Andre 3000 himself. I realize that I have to talk this out with someone. I make that phone call to my boy.

Me: I told her it was over bruh
Calvin: how did she take it?
Me: hard, thought it might come to blows
Calvin: I told you, ha ha ha.
Me: yeah, I'm lucky im kinda quick
Calvin: how you holding up though
Me: I'm cool, it was time
Calvin: what are you going to do now?
Me: I don't know......