The Break UP! Part 1

  "I just can’t do this anymore!" As the words leave my mouth, I study her facial expression. At first, she is stumped on the toe with confusion. “What happened?” She wants to know where this is coming from. To her, we were a happy two days ago. That’s the biggest problem. She just does not get it. She lets out a slight giggle. “you playin right?” "I’m done!" Her facial expression changes. She is punched in the stomach with anger. She calls me names that are familiar to female dogs, names often referring to the female anatomy, names that would suggest that I only like to have sex with someone's mother. My favorite coffee mug whistles past my ear. It’s a good thing that I was on my toes. I quickly mouth that famous five letter word that no woman likes to hear.  I can’t say it aloud just yet. She is still throwing objects. Although, they are not aimed at me directly, I still feel the vibration of the sound when it hits the wall. I’m thinking to myself, who throws coaster? She then walks over to me. I try to brace myself for the assault on my chest. She is swinging fist after fist.  I’ve got to stay firm. "It's over!" Now she is slapped in the face with sadness. The tears roll down her face. She continues the assault on my chest but this time she is crying so hard that she can’t continue. She realizes that this really could be the end. Her body slumps and the tears continue to flow. A part of me wants to console her. The other part knows that if I don’t build my strength now, I may continue this cycle where I keep giving and she keeps taking my emotional personification for granted. The battle of my heart and my head wages on. Evan after the things in my home are destroyed, objects are thrown at my head, and my chest bruised for a couple of days, I still can’t deny that my love for this woman is deep. Meanwhile, she reminds me of what I’m giving up. “We are good together. How are you going to throw away all those great moments?” She thrust me back to all those great moments. I keep telling myself to stay strong. She moves in closer, I want to sweep her up in my arms and tell her that I will love her till the end of time. My mind will not let my body move. With tears rolling down her face she looks up at me and says, “Is this really the end of us?” With my head racing and palms sweating, I tell her, “Yes, but I don’t love you any less.” I tell her that we are just not a good fit for each other. That this marathon that we are running was meant for 26 miles not the 13 she was only willing to run. She tells me that at times she has to stop and catch her breath but she intends to finish all 26. That sounds good but I let her know that I have had to catch my breath as well but yet and still we are miles apart. I have even tried to slow down so that she could catch up. Still miles apart. Now we both are standing there awkwardly, her crying and me trying not to embrace her. After what must have seemed like hours of awkwardness, she picks up her purse and heads towards the door. Tears continue to roll down her face. My head and my heart continue to wage war as I watch her walk towards the door.

"It doesn't matter to me"

I wonder how many men have had that conversation with the female gender.

Male: where would you like to go eat?

Female: it doesn't matter to me

Male: ok we will go to such and such

Female: no, I don't like that 

Male: so where do you want to go then?

Female: oh, I don't know, it doesn't matter.

Ladies, we ask these questions for a reason. For us, we can eat at our local burger joint but we know that you guys would not approve. When a man asks you to go anywhere, he has to make it a unisex activity. He is probably not going to invite you out to the sports bar to watch the game. Unless he knows that's your thing.

These are some remedies that "may" be able to help this situation:

Fellas, maybe ask where she does not want to go. Lol.

Ladies, tell him what type of activity you don't want to participate in.

Fellas, do a little more research about things going on in your city. 

Ladies, learn to be patience with him because at the end of the day he just wants to spend a little quality time with you. Last thing ladies, if you care where you guys go, then don't say things like, "It does not matter to me"

Last thing fellas, if she says, "it does not matter to me", it really does matter and you should be prepared to throw out more than one option. 

Someone asked me to define love

This is how I responded,

It's an interesting question. Can't define it but can describe some of the crazy things it can make people do. Show up at someone's house at 3 am to make sure that they are there alone. Go through their phone to see who they are texting or calling. Key somebody's car cause you think they out there messing with him or her. Now that i have gotten a few of the negative things out of the way. Love can have you showin up to someone's house at 3 am in the morning because they have called and can't sleep without you. Love can have you sending good morning, I love you, I miss you, and goodnight texts and phone calls with smiley faces and heart kisses. Love can have you giving them the spare keys to house the car and the safety deposit box. "Love is like one of your favorite drinks. joy mixed with pleasure with a hint of heartache . Most of the time when u drink it in moderation it's good til the very last drop. However, when you consume too much (i. e., get so deep you can't see urself anymore), that hangover can have you in bed for days not sleeping or eating." And u know sometimes when u get sick off a particular drink u tend to stray away from that drink for a while.

Starting Over

One of the hardest things to do is start over after a long relationship. Your emotionally insecure and you just don't want to start anything that you could potentially be emotionally responsible for. You don't want to get back out in the dating scene. You don't want to learn new habits. You don't want get used to a new personality. The word used to describe that is comfortable. Comfort is sometimes the killer of destiny and or blessings. "People hold on to things that they may be comfortable with...things they may love but soulful-spiritual people let comfortable go for unconditional love" Some relationships don't workout for a reason. Pay attention to those reasons.

Cooking

I dont know about anyone else, but a woman in the kitchen making her man a nice meal is sexy as hell. Its not just the fact that she is cooking but that she is cooking for someone. She takes her time and will put that extra care in it for him. The way she chops up spices while she stirs this pot and that pot is very erotic. The aroma coming from the kitchen is enough to make a man stand at attention. Thats of course if she really knows what she is doing. It must stem from my belief that a woman must be able to multitask very well. Its been said that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach-well that is partly true. It will keep him coming back to that table. Not sure it will make him fall in love tho. I think R. Kelly had the right idea; he believed that sex in the kitchen was a major turn on. I would have to agree with him. He must have had that lady in his life that was throwing down in the kitchen. Am I being sexist? I dont know, but I do know that I like what I like. Thats a woman taking great pride to make sure her dude is satisfied. 

"Emotionally Unavailable"

What does this really mean? I mean men say this women say this. I'm "assuming" that most of the time it means that they are still in love with their ex. Its also something people say right before they say stuff like, "I like hanging out with you, I don't want that to stop." They follow that up with, "its up to you tho" Psychologically for any human that means, in time they may be ready for a relationship. After all, relationships take time to build. I've been there before though--being "emotionally unavailable" meant that I was still holding on to what once was. Now, the other explanation could be that the ex has left their heart for dead--scarred them so bad that they don't want to go through that EmotionalStimulation again. Its hard to emotionally let go. Its that vulnerability that is very scary. Letting another person pull the strings on your emotional well-being is scary even if you have deemed the relationship toxic. What happens when you give that person time and they still are "emotionally unavailable"? Most of the time it ends in frustration and resentment. Human emotion sometimes can take words and put them in their pockets only to be washed out with all the other unnecessary things in their lives. In other words, people feel how they feel and words are just temporary afflictions. I will admit though that spending time with someone while being 'emotionally unavailable" is a recipe for confusion, miscommunication, and sometimes emotional bewilderment. 

Marriage is a religion?!

Marriage has become a big topic of discussion lately. It could be because my circle is getting older so its on most of our minds. I have always believed in marriage. I thought I would be married by the age of 25, kids by the age of 27 or 28. ummmmm, well, those ages has come and gone and no kids and no wife. However, my opinion of marriage has not changed though; i still want to get married and have kids. The thing that has changed though, is my understanding of what marriage is and should be in my eyes. I believe that marriage is a religion. I know most people are saying, "marriage cant be a religion". I understand their argument. I really do. But, people have to believe in marriage as something beyond themselves. Its a partnership that extends beyond death. Yes I said it, "death". Yes people get remarried but do people really put their heart and soul the second or third time around? People should fight hard for something that they have pledged their life to because after all "til death due you part" should mean something. Im not saying that if someone is breaking their vows that the other person should stay with them no matter what. But, Before they get down on one knee or how ever they do it...they should believe marriage is a religion. If you believed this, you would not take lightly the concept of  you're choosing the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.  You would believe that taking on all challenges in life with this person by your side, behind you, and in front of you is what marriage is all about. You would also understand that marriage is not going to be perfect. You're going to go through many ups and downs. You also have to realize that many of those downs are going to be because of something that really has nothing to do with the relationship. Moreover, people should have faith that they can get through rough situations.

More to follow on this discussion though, so stay tuned.