The Break UP! Part 1

  "I just can’t do this anymore!" As the words leave my mouth, I study her facial expression. At first, she is stumped on the toe with confusion. “What happened?” She wants to know where this is coming from. To her, we were a happy two days ago. That’s the biggest problem. She just does not get it. She lets out a slight giggle. “you playin right?” "I’m done!" Her facial expression changes. She is punched in the stomach with anger. She calls me names that are familiar to female dogs, names often referring to the female anatomy, names that would suggest that I only like to have sex with someone's mother. My favorite coffee mug whistles past my ear. It’s a good thing that I was on my toes. I quickly mouth that famous five letter word that no woman likes to hear.  I can’t say it aloud just yet. She is still throwing objects. Although, they are not aimed at me directly, I still feel the vibration of the sound when it hits the wall. I’m thinking to myself, who throws coaster? She then walks over to me. I try to brace myself for the assault on my chest. She is swinging fist after fist.  I’ve got to stay firm. "It's over!" Now she is slapped in the face with sadness. The tears roll down her face. She continues the assault on my chest but this time she is crying so hard that she can’t continue. She realizes that this really could be the end. Her body slumps and the tears continue to flow. A part of me wants to console her. The other part knows that if I don’t build my strength now, I may continue this cycle where I keep giving and she keeps taking my emotional personification for granted. The battle of my heart and my head wages on. Evan after the things in my home are destroyed, objects are thrown at my head, and my chest bruised for a couple of days, I still can’t deny that my love for this woman is deep. Meanwhile, she reminds me of what I’m giving up. “We are good together. How are you going to throw away all those great moments?” She thrust me back to all those great moments. I keep telling myself to stay strong. She moves in closer, I want to sweep her up in my arms and tell her that I will love her till the end of time. My mind will not let my body move. With tears rolling down her face she looks up at me and says, “Is this really the end of us?” With my head racing and palms sweating, I tell her, “Yes, but I don’t love you any less.” I tell her that we are just not a good fit for each other. That this marathon that we are running was meant for 26 miles not the 13 she was only willing to run. She tells me that at times she has to stop and catch her breath but she intends to finish all 26. That sounds good but I let her know that I have had to catch my breath as well but yet and still we are miles apart. I have even tried to slow down so that she could catch up. Still miles apart. Now we both are standing there awkwardly, her crying and me trying not to embrace her. After what must have seemed like hours of awkwardness, she picks up her purse and heads towards the door. Tears continue to roll down her face. My head and my heart continue to wage war as I watch her walk towards the door.