A Father's Rite!

It's been 6 months 11 days 6 hours and 22 minutes and you still will not leave me alone with my child. When the baby was born I was right there, when the baby took the first breath outside of the womb, I was right there. Why can't we bond on a deeper level, I'm halfway responsible for the life of our child...as a matter a fact I am 100% responsible because it is my job to protect this child from the world as best I can and that includes you. I know that you have the same mentality so why can't we compromise? When its time to buy diapers, its part of my responsibility. When its time to buy formula, its part of my responsibility. I want to honor the other part of my responsibility as well. I want to build the foundation that will lead to the next president of what ever God sees fit. Our challenge will always be to push aside our pride for the sake of our child. When I was a boy, the bond between me and my father was something I longed for. His responsibility was to bring money home to feed the family. Don't get me wrong, I loved my father for that. However, I am a little different. I want to build that bond that will take me beyond the days when I can no longer earn a dollar. I want to start that bond right now. For months, I have dreamed of the day our child would say the words, "Daddy". Right now, I am just the guy that helps mom out from time to time. Before you start, understand this because of my mother, I understand the bond between mother and child. Its not a bond I'm trying to break nor am I trying to replace it. I want a father's right.

Its been 3 years, 7 months, 15 days, and 10 minutes since the birth of our child. I did not handle the situation as perfectly as I could have. Lets be honest, I handled it horribly. I let my longing for closeness cloud my judgement. I know you hate me for the things that I have put you through. I have apologized so many times and believe me I know an apology will not take back my actions. I felt as though we had drifted apart. Conversations should have been held until we were able to come to a solution. That did not happen. So here we are now. Me not being able to see my child and you hanging up the phone every time we start a conversation. I get it, the relationship between you and I was damaged significantly. I know its not the right time to be selfish but my love for our child will keep your phone ringing and mail coming to your house. I am refocused. I am dedicating myself to having a strong relationship with my child. I cant take it back. Its 7 months since I have been able to feel the breath of my offspring cruising through the follicles on my neck. I know in your eyes I probably should not have any rights. I have to keep fighting for a father's right.

Its been 8 years, 4 months, 6 days, and 52 minutes since the birth of our child. You don't want our child around because of her. As a father, you have to know that I would not bring our child around someone who I felt would do harm. Besides, I thought you and what's his name were doing very well. Take it for whats its worth but I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy. If I had it my way, we could both show up at PTA meetings and make sure that our child is getting the best out of a public education. But, we are here. We cant be in a room longer than 5 minutes without words of angst exchanged. I know I hurt you all those years ago. I hoped that we could put aside our romantic relationship so that our child could have a better relationship with both parents. I admit my faults. At that point in my life I knew that I would make a better father than boyfriend/husband. I know it does not sound like something you want to her but its the truth. What can I do to create a better relationship for us? I don't want our child to believe that a mother and father cant be parents unless they are married and live under the same roof. That would have been great if things turned out that way but we are where we are. I cant take it back but I'm going to try to make our parent interactions better for the sake of our child. On that day a little over 8 years ago our lives were forever changed. With this change came great responsibility. At times, I did not handle it with greatest maturity. I'm here now embracing my responsibility more than ever. Not as a man but as a father.


Sincerely,


A Father

Freaks vs Hoes

Now, I don't have a Webster's dictionary but I have an opinion. I believe there is a stark difference between a freak and a hoe (whore). Let me explain.

Hoe (whore): For me it's someone who really doesn't enjoy sex, yet they continue to engage in sexual activities whenever and wherever. If you ask a hoe why they had sex with that person or persons, nine times out of ten the answer will be "I don't know" that is assuming that it's not a exchange for cash event. Although, they can't be separated that much, adding cash is the direct reason for sex. The "I don't know" people usually see sex as an event that has to take place because that's what people do. They are not emotionally attached to sex. Now, it is possible to not enjoy sex but have sex with someone because you love them. Those people i would not consider under the guidelines of being a hoe. According to my description, men can be hoes as well.

Freak: a freak is someone who indulges in the Intricacies of sex as it pertains to all 5 senses. And for the comedians, if you're deaf, blind, or vocally challenged, you can still be a freak. For a freak , there is always a reason why they have sex. It may change from time to time but there is always a reason. Oh and yes, you can be a freak if you have had sex with one person for your whole life. Being a freak is not about how many partners you have, it's purely about the sex. A freak can turn what some may deem "gross" to a night filled with multiple orgasms. 

I know for some it's hard to fathom that having sex with multiple people does not make you a hoe. Freaks have been mislabeled as something bad...as something that is not becoming of a decent human being. Some people think it is synonymous with hoe (whore). I would gather that these are people that have been misled about sex in general.

For the fellas out there, don't condemn your woman because the next man will not. If your woman wants to be a freak or is a freak go with the flow. Sure you're going to have your limits but cross that bridge when you get there. After all, it is "yours". You should be able to smack it, lick it, and turn it upside down and inside out. 

For the ladies, same thing applies...if you will not, the next woman will. Don't be afraid to explore yourself and your partner. However, if you find this is not what you like and your partner really likes it, then prepare for some obstacles. I'm not saying it will be a deal breaker, but it can make the relationship a lot more difficult.

I hope I have helped somewhat in this ongoing battle of Freaks vs Hoes

The Break Up! Part 3

A couple of hours has past now. My phone vibrates, a text message from you know who appears.

The last sentence read, "I hope that one day, you can really see that."
Right now I can't respond. I don't want to fall back into the same routine. I read it again. I’m starting to doubt my decisions. Maybe this time the light will go on...maybe this time she will fully commit. She just needs to know how much I love her. She needs to know that I can be that rock she can lean on through good and bad times. Wait, she has had two years to realize what we can be. Someone once said that the definition of stupid is to continue doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. I've pasted a few grades, made a few honor rolls, and shook the president of my university's hand as I walked across the stage. “Naw,” that’s not me. However, when dealing with emotion, love can make the smartest person look stupid. In the past I would have responded and we would have sent texts back and forward to each other until we reached the, I still love you phase. Then we start to have the conversation of “we should just start over” I never understand why people say that when a relationship has ended. All that means is another 3 months of the representation then after that, they fall back to being the same person. I guess I just don’t understand it but I don’t think many people will understand why I had to do what I did. I can’t concern myself with what other people think. I just have to do what’s best for me. And, what’s best for me is my happiness. I put the phone away and continue to watch the afternoon Sportscenter. I’m not going to respond this time. It's time for a new day.

The Break UP! Part 2

She looks back one last time as the door closes. I walk towards the door. My hand reaches up but I quickly put it back down by my side. I can still hear her crying. If this were a movie, I might go something like, me opening up the door and her leaping into my arms. Then we embrace in a passionate kiss and somehow both of our clothes fall off and we are back to loving each other again. But this is real life. In real life relationships are ended with one person emotionally unstable or both emotionally unstable. I finally hear the sound of a car door opening. A few minutes pass before I hear the car start. Usually when she left my house I would tell her to let me know that she made it home safe. Although, it would kill me if something happened to her, I must let her go. The sound of a car engine now fades away. My adrenaline is still pumping. I take a moment to let my body calm down. A moment of relief passes over me. "It's done!" I have played that scenario in my head a thousand times. It's never easy to tell people the truth about a life they think their living. It’s also never easy to let go of someone you love. Someone who at one point you thought you might spend the rest of your with. I clean up the broken mug and rearrange my coasters. Cleaning helps me workout my emotional stress. It allows me time to think back to when she could do no wrong. It's quickly countered by thoughts of when she would leave me dying inside from doing nothing. It’s been almost 30 minutes and I have not received a text message nor a phone call. It only takes her ten minutes to get from my house to her house. The right thing to do is to just send a text to see if she made it home safe. I begin to write the text. This phrase begins to pop up in my head. “DON’T DO IT!!!” As if it was lyrically articulated by Andre 3000 himself. I realize that I have to talk this out with someone. I make that phone call to my boy.

Me: I told her it was over bruh
Calvin: how did she take it?
Me: hard, thought it might come to blows
Calvin: I told you, ha ha ha.
Me: yeah, I'm lucky im kinda quick
Calvin: how you holding up though
Me: I'm cool, it was time
Calvin: what are you going to do now?
Me: I don't know......

Too Eager!

You meet someone while you're out. The person seems cool. The first conversation goes well. You guys seem to be on the same page. The second conversation starts the same way. However, somewhere in between where do you see yourself in 5 years and and your ex, this person has discovered that you may be the one. While your glad someone is into you, it seems a little premature to profess feelings. You knew that late night conversations sometimes pulls down the walls of security but this is a little different. "We alright but we have not even got to being cool yet. Slow down baby girl." I can image how women must feel. You have that conversation about where you work and the next day you get flowers. Maybe, he shows up for a surprise lunch date. Your response might be "WTF!" His reasoning might be, "just wanted to do something nice for you." The intentions are great but you have not decided if you like him or not. 

Meeting new people and dating is basically like rolling dice, more often than not you end up with snake eyes. If the first date goes alright, you go on a second date to roll your point back. By the third date you have crapped out and have to start all over again. It's not easy to roll that 7 or 11 but not impossible. You may have to crap out a few times before you hit. 

For those who don't get the dice reference, Just keep dating. You are going to have great dates and bad dates hopefully you meet "The One" 

The Break Up! Part 4

It’s been 3 weeks. She still crosses my mind. I never imagined that she could have me like this. All the women before her came and went. In the past I could have another one at your crib within a couple of nights. When we first started dating, she was “The One” in my eyes. I guess we got to the stage where we could no longer send in our representations. The days of me trying to act like she does not make me smile when she gives me that look. The days of her being in tuned to what I really want and need are replaced with her wants and needs. When we first met, we stayed up late talking on the phone. Every place we went we had a good time. We could have went to the laundry mat and we would have had a great time. "Damn, am I’m trippin?"  Reality has set in, I realize that now I’m alone. Sure, there are going to be times where I really miss her. Times when I’m driving in the car and hear "The Song". You know, the one that every time you hear it reminds you of them. It was our song. Now when I scroll through my phone I read old text messages and look through old pictures if I have not deleted them. I might even go to her name in the contact log. Stare at for a few minutes. I debate on if I should call or not. Should I send a text message? Should I just delete the number? I've gone through nights that it just seemed impossible to fall asleep. I start to think of ways that it could have been different. If I had did this, then maybe...
"I’m trippin again"
It's time to stop dwelling on what I can't change. I've got to get my swag back. Mentally I have to push myself in the right direction. Phone rings

Calvin: what's good?
Me: I’m chillin, what’s up?
Calvin: What you trying to do?
Me: I'm trying to get me one, where they at?
Calvin: Man, I got two on deck that want to hang out.
Me: how she looking
Calvin: she ready!
Me: Already.

This will surely put you know who out of my mind at least for the night. They say the best way to get over someone is to get a new someone.

The Break UP! Part 1

  "I just can’t do this anymore!" As the words leave my mouth, I study her facial expression. At first, she is stumped on the toe with confusion. “What happened?” She wants to know where this is coming from. To her, we were a happy two days ago. That’s the biggest problem. She just does not get it. She lets out a slight giggle. “you playin right?” "I’m done!" Her facial expression changes. She is punched in the stomach with anger. She calls me names that are familiar to female dogs, names often referring to the female anatomy, names that would suggest that I only like to have sex with someone's mother. My favorite coffee mug whistles past my ear. It’s a good thing that I was on my toes. I quickly mouth that famous five letter word that no woman likes to hear.  I can’t say it aloud just yet. She is still throwing objects. Although, they are not aimed at me directly, I still feel the vibration of the sound when it hits the wall. I’m thinking to myself, who throws coaster? She then walks over to me. I try to brace myself for the assault on my chest. She is swinging fist after fist.  I’ve got to stay firm. "It's over!" Now she is slapped in the face with sadness. The tears roll down her face. She continues the assault on my chest but this time she is crying so hard that she can’t continue. She realizes that this really could be the end. Her body slumps and the tears continue to flow. A part of me wants to console her. The other part knows that if I don’t build my strength now, I may continue this cycle where I keep giving and she keeps taking my emotional personification for granted. The battle of my heart and my head wages on. Evan after the things in my home are destroyed, objects are thrown at my head, and my chest bruised for a couple of days, I still can’t deny that my love for this woman is deep. Meanwhile, she reminds me of what I’m giving up. “We are good together. How are you going to throw away all those great moments?” She thrust me back to all those great moments. I keep telling myself to stay strong. She moves in closer, I want to sweep her up in my arms and tell her that I will love her till the end of time. My mind will not let my body move. With tears rolling down her face she looks up at me and says, “Is this really the end of us?” With my head racing and palms sweating, I tell her, “Yes, but I don’t love you any less.” I tell her that we are just not a good fit for each other. That this marathon that we are running was meant for 26 miles not the 13 she was only willing to run. She tells me that at times she has to stop and catch her breath but she intends to finish all 26. That sounds good but I let her know that I have had to catch my breath as well but yet and still we are miles apart. I have even tried to slow down so that she could catch up. Still miles apart. Now we both are standing there awkwardly, her crying and me trying not to embrace her. After what must have seemed like hours of awkwardness, she picks up her purse and heads towards the door. Tears continue to roll down her face. My head and my heart continue to wage war as I watch her walk towards the door.

"It doesn't matter to me"

I wonder how many men have had that conversation with the female gender.

Male: where would you like to go eat?

Female: it doesn't matter to me

Male: ok we will go to such and such

Female: no, I don't like that 

Male: so where do you want to go then?

Female: oh, I don't know, it doesn't matter.

Ladies, we ask these questions for a reason. For us, we can eat at our local burger joint but we know that you guys would not approve. When a man asks you to go anywhere, he has to make it a unisex activity. He is probably not going to invite you out to the sports bar to watch the game. Unless he knows that's your thing.

These are some remedies that "may" be able to help this situation:

Fellas, maybe ask where she does not want to go. Lol.

Ladies, tell him what type of activity you don't want to participate in.

Fellas, do a little more research about things going on in your city. 

Ladies, learn to be patience with him because at the end of the day he just wants to spend a little quality time with you. Last thing ladies, if you care where you guys go, then don't say things like, "It does not matter to me"

Last thing fellas, if she says, "it does not matter to me", it really does matter and you should be prepared to throw out more than one option. 

Someone asked me to define love

This is how I responded,

It's an interesting question. Can't define it but can describe some of the crazy things it can make people do. Show up at someone's house at 3 am to make sure that they are there alone. Go through their phone to see who they are texting or calling. Key somebody's car cause you think they out there messing with him or her. Now that i have gotten a few of the negative things out of the way. Love can have you showin up to someone's house at 3 am in the morning because they have called and can't sleep without you. Love can have you sending good morning, I love you, I miss you, and goodnight texts and phone calls with smiley faces and heart kisses. Love can have you giving them the spare keys to house the car and the safety deposit box. "Love is like one of your favorite drinks. joy mixed with pleasure with a hint of heartache . Most of the time when u drink it in moderation it's good til the very last drop. However, when you consume too much (i. e., get so deep you can't see urself anymore), that hangover can have you in bed for days not sleeping or eating." And u know sometimes when u get sick off a particular drink u tend to stray away from that drink for a while.

Starting Over

One of the hardest things to do is start over after a long relationship. Your emotionally insecure and you just don't want to start anything that you could potentially be emotionally responsible for. You don't want to get back out in the dating scene. You don't want to learn new habits. You don't want get used to a new personality. The word used to describe that is comfortable. Comfort is sometimes the killer of destiny and or blessings. "People hold on to things that they may be comfortable with...things they may love but soulful-spiritual people let comfortable go for unconditional love" Some relationships don't workout for a reason. Pay attention to those reasons.